I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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