the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
