he referred to my room as the tit cave...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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