Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
