she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
