he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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