Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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