how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
