Yo dont text me then not text me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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