Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
two words...techno handjob
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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