I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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