I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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