bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
