some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
