Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
