I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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