I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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