well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
