Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
