Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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