Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
