I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
