I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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