i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
