i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
