For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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