So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
