Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
