I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
