I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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