I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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