After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
