My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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