I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
