Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
