Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
