So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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