I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
