True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
