i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
