moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
