I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
