i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
