he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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