I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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