I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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