I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
