I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
