this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
