I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
