I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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